Updated February 17, 2017
My love, it seems as if the thread that holds us together are breaking. Now I need to be realistic and maybe let go of material things that united us for so many years. I feel as if it will break the connection with finality. But maybe it is not true. The thread cannot be broken, you are in my heart and with me. Material things don't count. Today it is not more the killing pain of missing you. It is the pain of the loss of what could have been. The loss of this carefree happiness despite the horror of what we had to pass through from war and death to struggle and hope, and finally fighting together a deadly disease. We were together hand in hand. Love radiated over horror, and your presence with me touching me was the healing factor that transcended difficulties and heralded happiness and joy. Joy and satisfaction are feelings I lost, and it seems cannot find in my new life as much as I search. But I need to look at this new life and make, alone, the best of it while regretting what could have been. It is so hard to lose your other half.
Published February 17, 2014
The 17th of February comes once every year.
I do not know why I feel compelled to fall into the trap of commemorations.
Deep inside me I wish I could erase this day from the thread of history.
Why do I feel compelled to behave as if I remember my Love on this day when each and every day is a day of yearning and love.
At night I spread my arm searching for your warm body and soft skin to find emptiness, in the morning I wake up and chat with your pictures, in the evening I hear the news and share my thoughts with you, I watch with you a TV series, then I read and comment to you….. you are with me every second of the day.
BUT it is not confirmed in reality, I miss your comments, your feedback, your smile, your laugh and most of all you sense of humor.
I yearn for you shoulder and how you can dry my tears….
I share with you but you are not here to make it lighter to bear.
Most of all I am diminished, I can no more see myself through your eyes.
After four years it hurts less, but the emptiness and yearning are growing.
I love you, I need you.
To many who think that I am crazy or that I am stuck in the past I tell them
True love has no ending.
My love, it seems as if the thread that holds us together are breaking. Now I need to be realistic and maybe let go of material things that united us for so many years. I feel as if it will break the connection with finality. But maybe it is not true. The thread cannot be broken, you are in my heart and with me. Material things don't count. Today it is not more the killing pain of missing you. It is the pain of the loss of what could have been. The loss of this carefree happiness despite the horror of what we had to pass through from war and death to struggle and hope, and finally fighting together a deadly disease. We were together hand in hand. Love radiated over horror, and your presence with me touching me was the healing factor that transcended difficulties and heralded happiness and joy. Joy and satisfaction are feelings I lost, and it seems cannot find in my new life as much as I search. But I need to look at this new life and make, alone, the best of it while regretting what could have been. It is so hard to lose your other half.
Published February 17, 2014
The 17th of February comes once every year.
I do not know why I feel compelled to fall into the trap of commemorations.
Deep inside me I wish I could erase this day from the thread of history.
Why do I feel compelled to behave as if I remember my Love on this day when each and every day is a day of yearning and love.
At night I spread my arm searching for your warm body and soft skin to find emptiness, in the morning I wake up and chat with your pictures, in the evening I hear the news and share my thoughts with you, I watch with you a TV series, then I read and comment to you….. you are with me every second of the day.
BUT it is not confirmed in reality, I miss your comments, your feedback, your smile, your laugh and most of all you sense of humor.
I yearn for you shoulder and how you can dry my tears….
I share with you but you are not here to make it lighter to bear.
Most of all I am diminished, I can no more see myself through your eyes.
After four years it hurts less, but the emptiness and yearning are growing.
I love you, I need you.
To many who think that I am crazy or that I am stuck in the past I tell them
True love has no ending.
A true Hermaphrodite.
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